Okay, so I spent about 3 hours and 20 minutes to get about 80% of the points on my physics homework. So… yeah, I understood maybe about half of it, but whatever. I’ll go to office hours and I’ll find out how to do the rest then. In any case, my grades are a bit in the shitter, but I’m trying to pull them off and rinse them with a pressurized hose.
So while I was doing my physics homework, I listened to the album, “My Computer”, by Radiohead. It’s apparently one of the best rock albums of all time, and it’s so very, very depressing. Basically, if you take emo and make it good, that’s what “My Computer”… no, that’s not right to say. Emo is emotional, emotional about the sadness that is their middle-class, suburban life, emotional about their asinine, trivial high school issues, emotional about their uptight, overbearing parents. Rather, what I mean to express is such a deep, endless pool of nihilism that threatens to destroy the mind and crush the soul by merely listening to it. I’m not a music critic, but I can see why music critics say that “OK Computer” is one of the best albums of all time, and certainly one of the best alternative rock albums of the 1990s.
There are a couple of tracks that stick out from all the others. The first that comes to my mind was “Fitter Happier”, an extremely experimental song/poem that basically shat on every dream, aspiration, hope, or tiny happiness that I had in life. It invalidated everything that I wanted and made everything I did seem meaningless. I found a Youtube video that perfectly captures the meaning of the song.
I also liked “Exit Music (For a Film)”, “Let Down”, and “No Surprises” because they were good songs. “No Surprises” was also really depressing and it seemed almost like a suicide note in audio form. Now, I say it’s “depressing”, but I don’t mean to imply that it’s sad. It’s certainly a melancholy song, and by no means is it a happy song, but it’s a different type of sadness. It’s not something sharp like having to bury a family member or breaking up with a girlfriend. Instead, it’s something dull like realizing that nothing really interests or excites you anymore, like it’s difficult to find something to while away the hours. I think that’s real depression. Sadness doesn’t lead to depression; boredom and disinterest does.
On a side note, “No Surprises” was the song in the opening for Season 6 of “House”, and I liked how it was used.
Oh yeah, have you ever tried to write while really sleepy? Like you were about to fall asleep or something but your fingers were still working on autopilot? It also works if you’re writing. It leads to a sort of stream-of-consciousness-type thing where your mind’s on autopilot and your grammar goes out the window but somehow your spelling remains impeccable. You don’t really have a logical string, more like a mess of jumbled up words and ideas that are entirely unrelated to each other. Despite the rambling nature of this bit, I promise that this isn’t any example. If it was, you literally wouldn’t be able to understand anything I wrote. Also, I wouldn’t be proofreading/correcting my stuff while I’m typing but I do detect a larger number of mistakes and missed keys in my typing. Whatever. It’s unimportant.
I swear I’m going to try something like this when I’m much more tired. I’m can sleep, but I’m not about to fall asleep at any point just yet. I would very much like to go to sleep though. It’s a physical compulsion that I just don’t seem to want to go against.
It’s now 5:06 AM. And I kind of want to sleep. Actually, there’s no “kind of”. I WANT to go to sleep. I’m tired. I’m sleepy. I know I need it. My brain’s not operating on full but I so want to continue writing. So I think I will. I’m sorry if this reads like I’m high or something. Wait. No I’m not. I don’t really give a damn. I’m not drunk or on drugs or anything. I’m just listening to Radiohead and I’m sleepy and it’s totally fucking with my mind. It’s not particularly pleasant to I swear to GOD it’s hilariously fun. I’m starting to forget how to spell words now…
Anyway… so… yeah, I’ve met a bunch of new people off-hall so far this year. It’s nice. Most of them are girls. So that’s nice. I always find that more productive. In some way. I think. I dunno. Maybe just in general. Is there a point system or something? Maybe girls are worth twice as many points as guys. Is that strange to contemplate? It might be.
Anyway. So. Yeah. I wonder if I should ask one of them out on a date. I don’t have much money though. I need a job. I need something sustainable. What the hell am I going to do about that? I still don’t have a job. I also haven’t eaten since… around 1 PM yesterday. It’s Sunday now. I started out on Saturday night. I’ve been awake for about 20 hours now. I haven’t eaten in about…. 14. I think I did that math right. 15? No, more like 14. I was right the first time. As long as I’m right in the end. That’s all that matters. I’m feeling very empty in the stomach region. I’m feeling very light. That’s a good feeling. I must learn to maintain it. It both saves money and prevents me from gaining weight. It’s not like you can gain weight if you don’t eat as much, right? Yeah. I’m right.
So in any case, I need to go on a date. I think. Is that a requirement now? What are the contemporary mating rituals for normal human beings? Some of these girls aren’t entirely vanilla though. A couple of them have got the geek flavor. I’m sure they’d appreciate going on a date, but a normal date? I don’t think that’s how things work with geek girls. I mean, it’ll go over well, but what does better? I dunno. I guess it depends on how much of a geek girl they are. In any case, I need money for anything I’m doing. So I’m kind of crap on that ground.
I also need to lose a shit-ton of weight. Like… I need to get to 120-130 or something. Probably 130, because I think I might start looking a bit twig-y if I go below 130. Still. Getting to 130′s not going to be easy. I think it’d take longer than a couple months unless I literally don’t eat or something. I’m just start with getting down to 160 first. I think. That’s manageable. I just won’t have to eat for a week or so (not literally… duh) and then gradually build my diet back up to the point where I can eat some meat or something. I’ll be a bit of a bitch until I get there though. I just know it.
Anyway. It’s 5:17 AM now. I’m really going to sleep now.
So… yeah, even though I haven’t got my TV set up in my dorm room yet (it’s 2 damn cords… it’s not that difficult!), I’m looking forward to the fall lineup.
As a geek, I feel obligated to point out that “Heroes” on NBC is going to be back on next week, and although I absolutely detested the ending last season (it was so illogical), I’m anxious to see if it’s going to be better this time around. The show usually starts out pretty well at the beginning of the season, but it always, always, ALWAYS seems to peter out around the middle, get a bit better, and then craps out again. Last year, they did fire Jeph Loeb, one of the producers, who was making “Heroes” shittier and shittier, so I’m a bit more hopeful now than I was before.
Another show I’m looking forward to is “Chuck”, which started airing during the WGA strike two years ago. It’s also on NBC right before “Heroes” (at least on the East Coast) and I watch it because… it’s… funny. Yep. It’s very funny. It’s about a Buy More (parody of “Best Buy”) employee named Chuck Bartowski who somehow got a government mindfuck in his head that lets him “flash” (basically, learn everything about something instantaneously) on people/things in the government database if he sees it in real life. He’s being guarded by a hot, hot CIA agent (played by Yvonne Strahovski) and a whacko NSA agent (played by Adam Baldwin) and they have crazy-fun adventures together! The story and plot is mildly preposterous, but… I dunno. The characters are endearing and the dialogue is very, very good. So… yeah, I like “Chuck”.
I’m also looking forward to “House” on FOX. I hate FOX News, and I hate how the company markets some of their less mainstream TV shows (“Firefly”… grr…), but I still love “House”. I also appreciate how they’re trying to change some things this season by having House start in the nuthouse… YAY!
So… yeah. That’s basically it. Oh yeah, “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report” are pretty cool too, but they’re on all year round, so I dunno if you can really say that they have seasons…
Oh, one more thing. The anime club at my university is meeting again… so I’ll probably end up going there too. To watch Japanese stuff. It’s always good at the beginning of the year because they’re new people… and new people are good. Inevitably though, most of them wander off, but a couple of them stick. So… yeah. I hope it’s better this year. I hope their are more girls… because geek girls are AWESOME. Fan girls less so… but whatever.
