Fitter Happier, Physics Homework, Writing While REALLY Sleepy

It’s 4:24 AM.

Okay, so I spent about 3 hours and 20 minutes to get about 80% of the points on my physics homework. So… yeah, I understood maybe about half of it, but whatever. I’ll go to office hours and I’ll find out how to do the rest then. In any case, my grades are a bit in the shitter, but I’m trying to pull them off and rinse them with a pressurized hose.

So while I was doing my physics homework, I listened to the album, “My Computer”, by Radiohead. It’s apparently one of the best rock albums of all time, and it’s so very, very depressing. Basically, if you take emo and make it good, that’s what “My Computer”… no, that’s not right to say. Emo is emotional, emotional about the sadness that is their middle-class, suburban life, emotional about their asinine, trivial high school issues, emotional about their uptight, overbearing parents. Rather, what I mean to express is such a deep, endless pool of nihilism that threatens to destroy the mind and crush the soul by merely listening to it. I’m not a music critic, but I can see why music critics say that “OK Computer” is one of the best albums of all time, and certainly one of the best alternative rock albums of the 1990s.

There are a couple of tracks that stick out from all the others. The first that comes to my mind was “Fitter Happier”, an extremely experimental song/poem that basically shat on every dream, aspiration, hope, or tiny happiness that I had in life. It invalidated everything that I wanted and made everything I did seem meaningless. I found a Youtube video that perfectly captures the meaning of the song.

I also liked “Exit Music (For a Film)”, “Let Down”, and “No Surprises” because they were good songs. “No Surprises” was also really depressing and it seemed almost like a suicide note in audio form. Now, I say it’s “depressing”, but I don’t mean to imply that it’s sad. It’s certainly a melancholy song, and by no means is it a happy song, but it’s a different type of sadness. It’s not something sharp like having to bury a family member or breaking up with a girlfriend. Instead, it’s something dull like realizing that nothing really interests or excites you anymore, like it’s difficult to find something to while away the hours. I think that’s real depression. Sadness doesn’t lead to depression; boredom and disinterest does.

On a side note, “No Surprises” was the song in the opening for Season 6 of “House”, and I liked how it was used.

Oh yeah, have you ever tried to write while really sleepy? Like you were about to fall asleep or something but your fingers were still working on autopilot? It also works if you’re writing. It leads to a sort of stream-of-consciousness-type thing where your mind’s on autopilot and your grammar goes out the window but somehow your spelling remains impeccable. You don’t really have a logical string, more like a mess of jumbled up words and ideas that are entirely unrelated to each other. Despite the rambling nature of this bit, I promise that this isn’t any example. If it was, you literally wouldn’t be able to understand anything I wrote. Also, I wouldn’t be proofreading/correcting my stuff while I’m typing but I do detect a larger number of mistakes and missed keys in my typing. Whatever. It’s unimportant.

I swear I’m going to try something like this when I’m much more tired. I’m can sleep, but I’m not about to fall asleep at any point just yet. I would very much like to go to sleep though. It’s a physical compulsion that I just don’t seem to want to go against.

It’s now 5:06 AM. And I kind of want to sleep. Actually, there’s no “kind of”. I WANT to go to sleep. I’m tired. I’m sleepy. I know I need it. My brain’s not operating on full but I so want to continue writing. So I think I will. I’m sorry if this reads like I’m high or something. Wait. No I’m not. I don’t really give a damn. I’m not drunk or on drugs or anything. I’m just listening to Radiohead and I’m sleepy and it’s totally fucking with my mind. It’s not particularly pleasant to I swear to GOD it’s hilariously fun. I’m starting to forget how to spell words now…

Anyway… so… yeah, I’ve met a bunch of new people off-hall so far this year. It’s nice. Most of them are girls. So that’s nice. I always find that more productive. In some way. I think. I dunno. Maybe just in general. Is there a point system or something? Maybe girls are worth twice as many points as guys. Is that strange to contemplate? It might be.

Anyway. So. Yeah. I wonder if I should ask one of them out on a date. I don’t have much money though. I need a job. I need something sustainable. What the hell am I going to do about that? I still don’t have a job. I also haven’t eaten since… around 1 PM yesterday. It’s Sunday now. I started out on Saturday night. I’ve been awake for about 20 hours now. I haven’t eaten in about…. 14. I think I did that math right. 15? No, more like 14. I was right the first time. As long as I’m right in the end. That’s all that matters. I’m feeling very empty in the stomach region. I’m feeling very light. That’s a good feeling. I must learn to maintain it. It both saves money and prevents me from gaining weight. It’s not like you can gain weight if you don’t eat as much, right? Yeah. I’m right.

So in any case, I need to go on a date. I think. Is that a requirement now? What are the contemporary mating rituals for normal human beings? Some of these girls aren’t entirely vanilla though. A couple of them have got the geek flavor. I’m sure they’d appreciate going on a date, but a normal date? I don’t think that’s how things work with geek girls. I mean, it’ll go over well, but what does better? I dunno. I guess it depends on how much of a geek girl they are. In any case, I need money for anything I’m doing. So I’m kind of crap on that ground.

I also need to lose a shit-ton of weight. Like… I need to get to 120-130 or something. Probably 130, because I think I might start looking a bit twig-y if I go below 130. Still. Getting to 130′s not going to be easy. I think it’d take longer than a couple months unless I literally don’t eat or something. I’m just start with getting down to 160 first. I think. That’s manageable. I just won’t have to eat for a week or so (not literally… duh) and then gradually build my diet back up to the point where I can eat some meat or something. I’ll be a bit of a bitch until I get there though. I just know it.

Anyway. It’s 5:17 AM now. I’m really going to sleep now.

Spaced, Zombies

So… yeah, started watching some British comedy TV shows this Labor Day weekend… when I should probably be studying… I hate studying… it sucks.

Anyway, so I started watching “Spaced”. It was written by Simon Pegg and Jessica Hynes. It aired for two seasons in 1999 before Simon Pegg shot to fame with “Shaun of the Dead” and “Hot Fuzz”. So anyway… so “Spaced” is a British sit-com about two roommates, Tim and Daisy, and their friends, who include an avant-garde artist and a ex-Army soldier who attempted to invade Paris in a stolen tank. It’s got a bunch of surrealist humor cutaways and drug-induced storylines. It’s… hilarious. And funny. And I like it. I like to have it playing in the background while I read and take notes for organic chemistry… it makes it barely palatable/bearable.

I also watched the 2004 remake of “Dawn of the Dead” earlier today. It’s probably my favorite zombie movie after “Shaun of the Dead”. I still think the Resident Evil trilogy is more entertaining to watch while drunk (not necessarily high) and with friends, but I think “Dawn of the Dead” is more… I dunno. Something. Whatever.

Ooo… some things I used to like on girls/women that I know longer do: Pig-tails, high heels, boots, Uggs, long hair. I’m not really sure when or why I don’t like them anymore… I just saw them on a girl and I was like, “Yeah… I’m not attracted to you.” Maybe a combination of the two wouldn’t be too bad… and I guess it depends on the girl. Like, long pig-tails wouldn’t be bad on the right girl. You know what? I take it all back. I’m fine with pig-tails and long hair. I still don’t like Uggs though.

I Need to Find Some Chicks

I’m back at college now…

I need to find some new female company. Sure, the girls I knew last year were alright, but they weren’t really… sexually charged. I had almost no interest in any of them. Lessee…

What else do I want to do? I suppose I’d like to go to a couple more parties. I went to a party Sunday. It was kind of small, and there weren’t that many girls there, but it was alright. I got a bit pissed though… so that wasn’t good.

I’m also kind of dying right now from some kind of stomach condition. It’s total shit. It’s all shit. Like… not really dying, but it hurts a lot. It’s either an ulcer or gastritis… and neither of those are good.

Anyway… I think I’m going to do some work now…

可愛い。。。

On an entirely different note, I think I’m going to post up some pictures of girls that I think are really cute. Now, for me, cuteness is based on three different factors: Pure beauty, personality, and the final appearance. Now cute girls are different from hot girls and beautiful girls. I feel like cuteness is much more individualized, wherein two girls can both be cute but cute in different ways. I feel like cuteness has a lot more to do with the guy rather than the girl in that one guy can see a girl as being cute whereas another guy sees the girl as being annoying or simply plain. Hot girls are simply incredibly attractive as a whole package, but seem to be attainable or unreachable. There’s a certain intimidating factor about them. For example, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, and Megan Fox are hot. They are so hot, in fact, that no man can ever really have any one of them. Still, there’s a certain commonality, a certain mundanity, a certain tawdry nature to hotness. Beautiful girls have a certain ethereal nature to them, like they’re… I dunno, not entirely human, I guess. I would consider Gwyneth Paltrow to be someone beautiful. Out of all three, I actually like cute girls the most. I don’t really have a definite reason why.

Anyway, back to the subject of cuteness. These two are the first I pulled up. The first one is a Korean pop artist named Younha and the second one is a Japanese alternative-rock/pop-rock guitarist/singer named YUI. Now, I certainly don’t know either of them personally, but I can pick up a little bit through their music and their interviews and stuff. Younha seems to be the type who’s cheery and bubbly and has a sort-of confident naivete about her. YUI, on the other hand, is a quiet, faltering, and shy girl. She’s like the female Japanese version of Chris Martin, sans the energetic on-stage performance. Both of them dress in ways that, at least to me, emphasizes their cuteness. Younha has a piece-y sort of hairstyle that seems to emanate a sort of rambunctious, off-the-wall nature. Recently, she’s been sporting curly hair that simply adds to this feeling. YUI, on the other hand, has longer, straighter hair that can easily be used to frame or hide her face away from the world, like a little emo child…

Now, these two are just people I know from Facebook. I’m not going to give out their real names, and truth be told, I don’t really know either of them that well. I’ll name the first one Amanda and the second one Alice. Now, in real life, Amanda is a really colorful, bouncy person. She’ll post random stuff on people’s pages, she’s loud, she jumps around a lot, and there’s literally no way of keeping her quiet and any attempts to do so is only meant with more noise and slight annoyance. Therefore, the bright colors and the bouncy, curly blond hair suits her very well. Alice is quieter… but… I dunno. She’s just cute. I like that. Hmmm… I wonder if she’s still living in my dorm next semester… I wonder if she has a boyfriend… I know she had something on her Facebook about a month ago that stated her relationship, but that has since disappeared when I checked it to grab this picture… I’m starting to sound a bit like a stalker… I’ll stop now… hahaha… ahem.

As for this one… this is Meg White, one half of The White Stripes. I picked her because of her pale skin, dark hair, and awesome, awesome cleavage. It’s just… it’s indescribable. I think cleavage is actually sexier than their actual breasts themselves… Yeah, there’s actually not much I can say about this one except awesome cleavage.

After doing this little post, I think I can conclude a couple things. I prefer darker hair, lighter skin, and less make-up. This contrasts with most other guys, who I think prefer tan girls with lighter hair. It would certainly explain the obsession with tanning beds and whatnot. No, I think I like the features I like because I prefer a more natural look…. I dunno. Also, strangely enough, I’ve realized that big breasts don’t hold much appeal for me. Sure, Meg White’s rack is made of pure awesome, but that’s just one example. If you look at the other girls, none of them have anything larger than… I’d say, a B-cup? I think Alice (NOT REAL NAME REMEMBER PLEASE) has something like a C-cup (maybe? I can’t tell…) in real life, but you can’t really tell in this picture. To me, anything larger than a handful is a waste, and I have some pretty damn small hands. Interesting fact: Smaller breasts are more sensitive than larger breasts. Apparently, breasts have the same number of nerve endings, regardless of size. The nerve endings are larger breasts are simply more spread out. As such, larger breasts can endure a bit rougher treatment, but remember dudes, it still fucking hurts if you mess around too much…. Good God, I sound like I have them…

Anyway… so yeah. On that slightly disturbing note, it’s now 12:06 AM and I feel like I ought to go to sleep.